Most of us, at one time or another, will have found ourselves admiring a friend’s scheme. For some of us, it will be a regular occurrence, owing in part to the similarity-attraction effect, which describes our tendency to be drawn to people who share similar attitudes, values, interests – and taste. Besides being a basis for connection, it’s a phenomenon, we might think, that comes with benefits. If we’re struggling to make up our mind between a couple of different options for a curtain fabric, or wondering whether to paint a room pink or green, we’ve theoretically got ready advice on hand. And yet, ‘the biggest design crime is listening to your friends,’ ordains Nina Campbell, in her compulsively watchable Create Academy course. ‘My heart sinks when a client starts referring to what their friend thinks they should do,’ echoes Tamsin Saunders of Home & Found. And ‘interiors are like baby names - ideas are best not shared in advance,’ adds Octavia Dickinson.
Which rather gives pause for thought. For, opinions and sitting room-appreciation aside, there are other ways that our friends might have impact on our interiors. There are the presents that we’re given – a vase, a cushion, an ornament - that we feel compelled to put out. There’s the subliminal influence that is almost impossible to guard against – particularly if we spend a lot of time in our friends’ homes. And there are the occasionally waspish comments that can make us doubt ourselves. We all know that ‘brave’ is seldom a compliment, and a quick survey reveals colleagues who’ve encountered ‘I love how you’re leaning into Grannie-chic’ (she wasn’t; at least, not on purpose) and ‘oh, you’ve made it sweet and cottagey’ (of a central London flat, where the aim had not been that.)
‘To thine own self be true,’ said Hamlet’s Polonius to Laertes – a line that would never have been uttered were it as straightforward as it sounds. Regarding those stinging words, it might be that our friends simply aren’t up on appropriate interiors vernacular – and didn’t mean to offend. Or, it might be ill-disguised envy, an emotion that is, say psychologists, more likely to occur when there is a shared taste. And if it is envy, we have to remember that it cuts both ways. ‘It’s so important to do your own thing, to design your home for you and your family and how you live, rather than trying to impress your friends,’ emphasises Tamsin. And, ‘a friend might have the most beautiful de Gournay wallpaper, but it might not work for your lifestyle – or you might not have the budget for it,’ points out Henriette von Stockhausen of VSP Interiors.
Coincidences, of course happen, and new friendships have been forged over the discovery of dressers packed with twinning cabbageware, or matching passions for Eileen Gray’s furniture. And Octavia Dickinson suggests that friends’ homes can be a really good resource when it comes to establishing how to live: ‘look at the way they’ve organised their cupboards and their clothes and arranged their china, and how their hinges work, and what washing products they use.’ Moreover, ‘design is often about solving problems,’ points out Philip Hooper, joint Managing Director of Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler, ‘and your friend might have had the same problem.’ And so we could add, to Octavia’s list of things to examine, how they’ve hung curtains, fitted in both bath and shower in a small bathroom, and fixed art on sloping walls. However, when it comes to aesthetics and an actual scheme, ‘I try and encourage my clients to avoid repeating what they’ve seen elsewhere,’ says Tamsin. Indeed the general advice, on finding a room that we love, is to work out what it is that draws us – the feeling of cosiness, a sense of calm, the use of colour and pattern – and use that as a basis, rather than ‘quoting’ actual elements, whether the exact same wave-back sofa, wallpaper, or trim. And, worth keeping in mind, is that replication can be friendship-ending.
Let’s move on to the aforementioned presents. Many of us cherish candlesticks, a jug, or some other object that has been given to us by an equally cherished friend – but it can go awry. ‘So often one is given a single cushion, which is hopeless,’ observes Nina Campbell. Other times it’s that the cups don’t go with the kitchen, or we’re simply not into cut-out wooden letters that spell out an action. Nina suggests that some things can be saved by painting them a dirty white – a practice Nicky Haslam has perfected in his London flat. But often, the answer has to be ‘guilt-free ruthless-ness’, and a reminder that Philip Hooper even puts Christmas cards in a drawer, rather than allowing in ‘the random taste of other people’s bonhomie.’ Key is that ‘we have to be the ultimate selectors of what is in our home,’ says Henriette.
Which brings us, in a roundabout way, back to curtain fabric and wall colour. ‘I find it hard to work in a vacuum, friends can be great as a sounding board and sometimes when you vocalise a design to another party it becomes much clearer if you are onto a winner, or barking up the wrong tree,’ says Philip. He continues, ‘it’s not necessarily allowing someone to influence you, but allowing someone else’s point of view to be thrown into the mix.’ Henriette, too, concedes that it can be good to bounce ideas around. The issues come, she explains, when there are too many ideas, especially if they come from those whose taste we admire. For then there is a danger of losing ourselves in uncertainty, being turned against a fabric we love, or painting a room green in accordance with common consensus, when really, our heart had wanted pink. And that, says Nina, is why she so adamantly advocates for not listening to our friends.
